How to win friends and influence people

For anyone following my Twitter feed, you already have gotten a taste of what I am about to rant on.

Usually I don't like to rant. I try to be a positive person. Looking on the bright side of things is so much more enjoyable than being bitter and irritated with the world.

But some days bitter is the only way to feel.

INITIATE RANT

First off, let me precede this by saying: Yes, I know I could get up and move, but sometimes that takes too much effort. Yes, I acknowledge that this is a terrible excuse. Also, moving would take me away from precious writing material/ rant content. And then you wouldn't get to laugh at how pissed off I am at the world.

Ok, here we go.

There are days when I question the value of humanity. Seriously. There are so many people in this world that just have no idea what is going on. I can say this, because admittedly I am one of those people a number of days a week. At least when I am one of those people, I am only inconveniencing myself with my own stupidity. At the very least, I try my best to not inconvenience others when I am being an incredible moron.

I only wish I could say the same about others.

Stupidity wouldn't be such a frustrating thing if people just stayed out of one another's hair.

If you want to be a total brick head, be my guest. Go for it. Knock it out of the park. You can be the best brick head you want to be and I will support you 100% in that endeavour... as long as you stay the hell out of my way.

Ok at this point, you are probably asking yourself, "who pissed in this guy's Corn Flakes this morning?"

I answer that with, "no one, because I didn't eat Corn Flakes today. Special K was the only thing in the pantry."

Let's start from square one. For those of you who may have missed it, I touched on this earlier in the academic year. Feel free to refresh yourself here.

Class - it is supposed to be a place for learning. Education. Enlightenment, perhaps.

For far too many people, class seems to have become a place to waste the day sending emails and chatting on Facebook. Why are you paying tuition to come do this in an academic environment? Do yourself a favour: stay home and troll Facebook from there. It is relatively free in comparison. Not only this, you will also find that people will hate you less. Why? Because you won't be ruining the academic experience that they have scraped and saved and worked hard in order to afford.

Ok. Moving on to the next issue - the library.

Typically, people go to the library to study, read or work on assignments. Often, people get death glares when they are in a library and they commit the unfortunate bodily function known as sneezing. There is a reason for that. Do I agree with it? No. But it is reality. People like their library to be QUIET. Even a pin drop can be considered too much noise.

Today I find myself in an unfortunate circumstance. I have a mass amount of dry and boring reading to do. Logically, I decide to go to the library to do it. Makes sense, right?

So I get to the library. There is only one open spot as I walk in. Perfect. This can only get better.

I sit in the lone available seat. Lucky for me, I sit beside two girls having the biggest bitch fest/ gossip session of their thus short and unfulfilled lives. I can say this because they are talking loud enough for me to hear their every word without even trying to eavesdrop.

Hell, I am trying NOT to eavesdrop but it is difficult not to when they're practically shouting in my ear.

Honestly, I could go on forever about the sheer stupidity of this conversation. But that would get boring and repetitive. Instead, I will highlight a few of the "lowlights" of the conversation:

1) Drinking 10L of water a day and eating nothing but celery is not a diet. That is called starvation. Of course you haven't gained weight. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that consuming ZERO calories in a day will result in weight loss. To your surprise, it may also eventually result in death. Consider this me wishing you luck. Try not to hurt yourself.

2) I am sorry to hear that you have no friends. Perhaps taking a step back and listening to your own conversation will make you realize why you have no friends. I would quickly "unfriend" you if I knew you and heard this conversation.

2a) Talking about everyone you know behind their back is no way to make friends. Perhaps this is the reason why everyone hates you. Or maybe everyone hates you because you are an obnoxious keyboard smasher during class. Either way, things aren't looking good for you.

3) On the other hand, maybe people hate you because you are a snoopy little peabrain. Advertising the fact that you scour emails and text messages on your friends/ past boyfriends phones when they aren't looking certainly seems like a good way to piss a few people off. Whatever happened to respecting someone's privacy? Opening someone's mail is a federal offense. While you can't charge someone with a federal offense for opening emails and text messages that don't belong to them, you would think someone's moral compass would at least send them in a better direction. Oh wait, most kids these days don't know how to use a compass. Now that I think about it, they probably don't even know what a compass is.

I'm going to leave it at that.

I would like to sum this up by saying "thank you" to the annoying people that have crossed my path today. Without your unfortunate presence in my life, I wouldn't have had the inspiration to write this.

I would also like to say "screw you" to the annoying people that have crossed my path today. Without your unfortunate presence in my life, I would have actually gotten some real work done rather than write this stupid blog entry.