I bet that isn't how you expected this to start.Now typically, my Subway experience is a pretty routine one. On a good day, I walk right up and order a buffalo chicken on whole wheat, white cheddar and toasted, with lettuce, tomato, green pepper and pickles. Exhilarating right? Have I captured your attention yet? Who am I kidding, this is easily the most exciting story you've read so far today. Moving on.
Today, however, was not a routine trip to Subway.
Before we dive right into the meaty part of this sandwich, let me give you a little bit of a brief Coles Notes history lesson on me. Trust me, it will help provide some context.
I am not a big fan of PDA, or the public display of affection. For as long as I've been old enough to understand the concept of PDA, I've always found it odd. Maybe it was how I was raised, maybe it was because I didn't watch American Pie early enough in my formative years. Whatever it is, your guess is as good as mine.
It's been a contentious point in pretty much every relationship that I have ever found myself in. My thought process has just always been something along the line of, "if you're so head-over-heels with one another that you can't go out for one night without manhandling each other in a grotesque public display of lust, then just stay in and do it in the privacy of your living room or bedroom. Just make sure to close the blinds."
I really have no problem with the thought of love or displaying it in that way. It's just that there is a time and a place for it. If it's "after hours" and the sun has set and the lights are down...maybe then you can justify the crazy groping and caressing PDA that happens in every nightclub in every city on the planet. At least you have the privacy of the shadows.
Ok, let's jump back to where we started.
It's 8:30pm and the sun is still shining as it does at 8:30pm on May long weekend.
It's 8:30pm, the sun is shining and I approach the door of the Subway that is just around the corner from where I'm currently living in Toronto. As I reach for the door, I look through to see this couple going at it like as if it is the end of the world and they will never feel one another's touch ever again. NEVER EVER AGAIN.
We're talking the "extinction of man" type of never again. NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN. No more human existence, no more human touch. Just darkness.
I open the door and let out what was probably the most disgusted groan I have ever conjured from within myself in my entire life. Seriously, I had saved that groan for when the end of the world arrived. This couple had me fooled.
They continue.
The next obstacle in my way was in getting around the physical roadblock that was Romeo and Juliet.
It doesn't help that this Subway is so narrow that I can't stretch my wingspan between the counter and the wall. Yep. I have wings. This means I am looking forward to a full on awkward, "oh, excuse me. Pardon me. Let me just...slip past ya here on my way to the counter. Whoops, sorry."
I managed to uncomfortably wriggle my way past these two passionate lovers without getting any...bodily fluids of any sort on myself. I'm talking about saliva, people. They were just making out. Jeez.
At this point, I look across the counter to the one poor soul that is manning the entire Subway.
He is standing there...repeating over and over..."what kind of veggies?"
"What kind of veggies...?"
"Excuse me....what kind of veggies...."
Finally these two tunnel-visioned romantics fall clumsily out of the spell of one anothers eyes just long enough to finish their sandwich order.
At this point, I've totally checked out. I finally get my sandwich and get the hell outta dodge. The stench of young love was overwhelming despite the fact that the two googly-eyed customers ahead of me had left.
I get back to my place and as I ate I found myself thinking far too much about what I had just seen and what it all meant. Not what THEY meant. But more about why I felt the way I did.
Am I becoming that much of a cynic? I used to be so positive. I used to be so upbeat and unbeatable. This latest experience had left me feeling defeated and despondent.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against love. I know it exists and I appreciate how it feels to be in love. So perhaps I'm just jealous of people like the Subway lovers. I really don't know at this point.
For all I know, these two had probably just met on MySpace or something. That's what kids do these days, right?
The morale of this story:
Don't make out passionately in Subway. You don't know how you're going to make others feel.
That poor sandwich guy...I bet he hasn't ever had to ask for a veggie order that many times in his life. He looked really upset.
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