ALL-CAPS RAGE re: Lazy Lane Changers

***DISCLAIMER: FROM HERE ON EXPECT WILD GENERALIZATIONS THAT ARE IN NO WAY AN ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF ALL DRIVERS IN BRITISH COLUMBIA... only the majority***

I've been meaning to write something on this for quite some time now. Why? Because it annoys the living hell out of me. What exactly is it that sends me into a blind, ALL-CAPS RAGE when I am behind the wheel of a car? Well, the answer to that question is simple: people who fail to use their blinker.


Let's first get one thing out of the way, I refer to "it" as a blinker. Why? Because it makes the signal lights on your car blink. Sort of like pretty little eyes with batting eyelashes sending you silent, sweet messages in the night...or something like that.

Some people prefer to call my beloved blinker by its alternative name, flicker. Why? Well, because all it takes is a tiny little flick of your finger to put that important little tool to work.

Indicator and signal are more boring and formal names for my beloved blinker. But I will allow you to use them. Now on to the real issue.

As most of you know, I recently moved to BC. Here we have a province that must breed arrogance. Why do I say this? Because of the slogan on its road signs as you enter the province: "Welcome. British Columbia: The Best Place on Earth." Pretty bold statement if you ask me. Not only do the people of BC think that this province is "The Best Place on Earth," but based on how they drive I am assuming that they also think they are the best drivers on Earth.

Never in my life have I driven roads full of so many lazy lane changers! No one here uses their damn blinker! I don't get it! What is so terrible about using the blinker? Is it a foreign concept in BC? Is it just a societal taboo? Heck, is it against the law? Or is the issue more that BC drivers are too good for the blinker? Are they all connected by some weird ESP network because they're the best drivers on Earth? I guess if this is the case, then it is a good thing I am using my blinker. Without it, these perfect BC drivers probably think I am just some crazed, oil thirsty, gas guzzling Albertan in my little fuel-efficient Honda Civic.

"Quick! Someone reel in that crazy little car with the Wildrose license plate on it! He is using a blinker and driving far too sanely! This is unacceptable! Break off his flicker! Smash his signal lights! STOP THE MADNESS!"

It has become daily habit for me to count the number of vehicles that pass in front of me on the road, change lanes, and fail to use a blinker. It disgusts me to say that I have actually experienced an entire car ride where not one driver signaled when changing lanes in front of me. DESPICABLE!

Where are the law enforcers of this fine city when you need them most? Knocking down drug operations? Looking for missing children? I say we focus the force where it is needed most: traffic violations. There is a pandemic in the city of Kamloops, and it is that of the lazy lane changer. Imagine all the extra money from tickets issued for illegal lane changes! The possibilities are endless!

Do you use your blinker when you change lanes? Perhaps now you will. On the flip side, perhaps now you won't just to spite me. I can ensure you that if I see you change lanes without signaling, I will be seething inside. I may even throw a banana peel at your car, Mario Kart-style. Either way, you will think about your blinker more the next time you are driving your car. Heck, you might even find yourself a little frustrated with the lazy habits of other drivers.

As always, to wrap things up...we have a song. Wait! TWO SONGS! First up, something fitting for today. Second is something relevant, but much more fun:

Race Car Ya-Yas by CAKE

The land of race car ya-yas.
The land where you can't change lanes.
The land where large, fuzzy dice
Still hang proudly
Like testicles from rear-view mirrors.
The land of race car ya-yas.
The land where you can't change lanes.
The land where large, fuzzy dice
Still hang proudly
Like testicles from rear-view mirrors.

The land of race car ya-yas.
Ya-yas.

The land of race car ya-yas.
The land of race car ya-yas.
Race car ya-yas.

Stickshifts & Safetybelts by CAKE

Stickshifts and safetybelts,
Bucket seats have all got to go,
When we're driving
In the car,
It makes my baby seem so far.

I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me
Not way over in a bucket seat.

But when we're driving in my Malibu,
It's easy to get right next to you.
I say, "Baby, scoot over please,"
And then she's right there next to me.

I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.

Well, a lot of good cars,
Are Japanese.
But when we're driving far,
I need my baby, I need my baby
Next to me.

Well, stickshifts and safetybelts,
Bucket seats have all got to go,
When we're driving in the car,
It makes my baby seem so far.

I need you here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.
I need you to be here with me,
Not way over in a bucket seat.